So it's one in the morning and I'm wide awake. Not only that but it's over 80 degrees in my room and my mind is going crazy. I have ALL my laundry done and am probably half way packed. Mom and I went shopping today for some little stuff but important things! Lets just say Bed, Bath, and Beyond has a great selection of travel sizes of everything I needed! Including individual packets of detergent for a sink full of water! I definitely bought some of those.
Seeing as how I'll be gone for two weeks, I am ONLY packing enough clothes for one week and will be washing my clothes every so often. And to find those little packets was quite exciting for some reason. It may be because I like to experience things in a way that I'm not use to, and not doing laundry in a washer and dryer, I think, will be quite fun! But that's besides the point.
As I lay here not being able to sleep, I can't stop myself from thinking about the trip. I know it'll be an amazing, God-filled experience, but I am also terrified of leaving the states without my family or the youth group. I have never been on a trip longer than 3 days without one of those groups. I would like to say I'm trusting God with my nervousness, but I'm not. I'm having a hard time letting go of the drivers seat and letting God guide me through this experience. I know I haven't even left yet, but prepping myself for what's to come is taking a lot out of me and I have pounds and pounds of butterflies in my stomach. Therefore, I ask for your prayers. Not only for the safety of the team and I, not only for Bulgaria as a country and for the hearts of the people we'll be working with, but for me. I can't describe it all in words, but I'm feeling overwhelmed. And not just with getting ready, but with the actual trip as well.
When I first heard about this opportunity I was the first to jump on the bandwagon. I longed for an experience to change my life and to be given the opportunity to plant the Word of God in someone else's life. It's up to God to do the rest of the work, but as Christians we are called to be planters. I myself cannot change someone's life, but I live for a God who can. Now that the trip is here, I am overwhelmed with butterflies both good and bad. Without the tremendous support I received, I would not be able to feel at peace in knowing that I raised enough money and put in my own time and effort, to be able to go spread God's love to the people I will come in contact with in Bulgaria! I am incredibly thankful for the donations everyone has donated and all the prayers that have been prayed in preparation for my trip and the others going with me. Part of me is downright ecstatic to be going and talking about what God has done in my life and studying the Bible with people, but part of me is holding back. And I have no idea what it is that's holding me back but tonight as I lay here, I pray that it goes away.
I want to be able to talk openly about God to anyone I come in contact with and I want to be free in knowing God is putting me where He needs me and I am able to be the hands and feet of Christ. But something is holding me back. As the days draw closer and I lay here awake still, I ask that you pray for me. I'm nervous, I'm scared, but Im excited and happy, I can't wait to see where God takes me in just two days.
P.S. As you know this was written at one in the morning so I apologize if parts of it didn't make sense or if I seemed scatter brained. I'm not a writer and never have been. But I want to look back years from now and remember how I felt leading up to my first big mission trip and how the trip went. So I hope you stay for the journey and enjoy reading my randomness.
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